Thinking about not weighing in.

Wednesday is looming closer and I honestly don't know if I want to weigh because I've done no working out since my daughter was diagnosed with pneumonia and then I got sick myself and still am sick. ARGH. Decisions Decisions.

Hmm

So as I was sitting here just thinking about the last entry I posted I honestly couldn't help but feel this nagging little annoyance that was saying "you're going to gain next week." I wonder why I do that to myself, I mean set myself up for failure. I finally see damn good results and what happens? I feel like next week I am going to gain instead of lose. I am sick of feeling like that, I honestly wish an anti-depressant or something would work for me because I know that is a big part of my problem. Exercise is supposed to help with depression but it just makes my mind clearer so I can be depressed at a more challenging level. I hate it and I want it to go away. I really want to take vitamins and I wish I had the money to buy them but I'm not going to spend money on something like that when I need money for other more important matters you know? UGH I wish someone would show up on my doorstep with a daily vitamin and a vitamin B pill and say "here you go!" wouldn't it be great if the world worked that way?

Wonderful Weigh in.

FINALLY RESULTS!
314.0lbs
I weighed last night around 2am and got 315.6 which made me happy but I weighed myself a little while ago because that's when I normally weigh and got 314 on the nose. I am so happy! That is 4.4lbs in 1 week. I really couldn't be happier. Seeing that number made the bad morning I am having so much better.
I am so close to my first goal I can taste it. I think I might be able to actually get there before Mackenzie's party, if I work hard enough and stay away from junk.
I have been doing as much or as little working out as I can handle. I have strayed away from continuously doing the 30 day shred because I think it was making me build more muscle than I am ready for right now. Instead I've been doing 10 minute workouts or 20 minute workouts from On Demand on Cox. I have really cut out a lot of bad things and I have been trying to eat at least 5 times a day with smaller portions. This is a win for me so lets see if I can continue to win!

I think I'm onto something.

I am pretty sure I have figured out where I want to be as far as size goes. I want to be able to be around kids without having the fear that one of them is going to point and go "that lady is fat". Yep, that's where I want to be. Mackenzie is not even 2 yet and already she has quite the personality so I could see her punching a kid in the face for talkin bout her mama. ;)
On a serious note, I have anxiety and depression issues which make it very hard for me to function on a day to day basis and I have physical problems that make it hard for me to be active. I have sucked it up and worked through some of the worst pain in my life, almost mirroring labor or kidney stones. Why do I do it to my body? Because I need to get this weight off before I go insane. Being around people is a struggle for me no matter what but being the size I am makes it 50 times harder for me because I feel like no matter how much I try to blend in I don't, I stick out like a sore thumb. So when you put everything together this weight loss journey is very hard and I hope you all know how much I appreciate the support from each of you. It is not easy to drop weight in any situation but it is especially hard when you have nobody there, I've gone that route before and failed miserably. I am not on a diet, I am changing my life.

Hiccups happen.

This week was a bad week for me my willpower and my "look at my daughter and feel bad" trick went out the window when Aunt Flo crawled in and overtook my uterus. I already called a weight gain or a hiccup but I didn't think it would be this bad. 318.4 I gained a whole pound this week, yeah it might not seem like much but it is, that is an entire weeks worth of loss or more. I have been shedding so little that it upsets me to see how much I gained in a week. I hope it is mostly water weight from AF and I hope it leaves with the bitch. Well I guess hiccups happen so I just have to shred it harder this week and make every bite of food count. Have I mentioned yet that I now do not eat breakfast I drink it? I have a boost complete every morning with fat free milk, it has really worked on my energy level.

On the upside two people said something to me yesterday that made me want to work my ass off even harder, my husband said randomly while we were watching TV "Oh, I can see you have lost weight." I looked at him and said "... oh.... really? .... thank you." So he proceeded to tell me that he could see a difference and how he is proud of me. Then last night I was having a bit of a breakdown over personal issues in my life (in which I ended up drinking an enormous glass of ovaltine and eating a mass amount of chocolates) and my roommate came in and comforted me and told me that I should be happy because I am doing such a good job with my weight loss and she sees such a difference in me and she is so proud of me. Wow, just what I needed, I was floating on cloud 9 and it just made me want to work harder to get more results for myself.

So here is to my support, to my friends, to my family, to the ones that believe in me. Thank you, now watch me shine.

go AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

AF that is. UGH. I feel like I am dying if I even move at all. This sucks and it makes it so very hard to workout.

It's that day again. Weigh in day.

Today I weighed in at 317.4lbs that is down 1.2lbs from last week.
I'm not going to lie, the beginnings of discouragement are lurking in the shadows. I am trying to stay positive and tell myself that the workout I am doing builds muscle but honestly I think it would help if I were able to change my diet more. Unfortunately I have to work with what I've got and what I've got is not always the best. I eat less than I used to and I do eat healthier but I have to be messing up somewhere because the weight is just not coming off like it should be. I have gotten to the point that I am working out between 1 and 3 times a day, I have a Boost essentials drink for breakfast, a small lunch, maybe a snack, and dinner. I am re-thinking and re-doing my short term weight loss goals so I will be less likely to get discouraged and more likely to kick myself in the ass until I make it happen. The new goals are:
15lbs by Mackenzie's party 3/13/11
30lbs by my birthday: 8/4/11

Update

So I did my updated pictures earlier but didn't have time to fill anyone in on my workouts. I am restarting the 30 day shred again because it makes me feel amazing. I have been alright with my eating but have had a few junk things. I also took 1 week off of the 30 day shred to let my body recover from it so I am completely ready to restart it.

Picture day!

Well it has been a whole month since my pictures were posted. I took them today, you must excuse the not so thrilled look on my face because I am still waiting for my coffee to do its job.

Without further ado here they are.

Month 1.

Month 2.


Month 1.

Month 2.


Month 1.

Month 2.


I honestly don't see a difference but that's okay because I'll just work harder this month.

Weigh in day

So here I am again once more, I stepped on the scale not expecting anything at all.
318.6lbs So WOOT! .4 lbs lost. Yeah so it isn't much but everyone is saying they see a difference, we will find out on the 5th!