Here we go again.

Today starts the new "diet" I'm going on with my little sister. She's pregnant and is going to start off by going on the Gestational Diabetes diet from the start. I am still trying to conceive and I want to get healthier, I was absent from trying to take this weight off for a while due to health issues I was having but I'm tired of waiting for answers and results. So I'm going to get back on track.
I am currently 321.0 lbs, I am currently on day 2 of my menstrual cycle (CD2) I will take pictures later today or tomorrow after I figure out an outfit to wear.

OOPS!

Forgot to log my weight last wednesday and realized I still havent done my pictures for this month. I think I am going to switch my outfit and I have to find a new picture location because we moved around our computer room. Sooooo I think I'm going to put on a pair of shorts that are too small and see how long it takes to fit into them.

Last week my weigh in was 312.8lbs which is down 1.2lbs from the previous week. This week I will most likely be going up because AF is here and I am sooooo bloated, plus I drank for four nights straight so I wouldn't be surprised this week by any number. I am getting a gym membership thanks to my mother who is paying for it and I am really just changing my life still one step at a time. I am so happy to be continuing down this path, so many times I have wanted to turn around and run but I don't, I stick with it and keep going. So pat pat for me on my own back!

Not in the mood.

Just going to post my weight and what I wrote to a friend.
314.0lbs
I feel like a water balloon the last week, I honestly am about to have an emotional breakdown because I still don't know what's going on with my body (referring to numbness in my hands and legs) and then finding out my damn IUD is MIA yesterday didn't help. I'm trying so hard and I feel like I'm failing, I want to give up. I just want all this stress to go away and I want to be under 300lbs damn it.

Fell off the wagon but jumped back on!

So I know I didn't weigh in last week or post at all but it was because we had company. I ate many things I shouldn't have but it was worth it because it was yummy, it wasn't worth the poundage I gained but I'm proud to say I worked it back off. I weighed in Thursday of last week and I was 316ish then two days later weighed again and was 314ish. Well I just re-weighed and I am back down into the 310's To be exact I am 310.6, although that is UP .2 lbs from my last weigh in posted I am very proud of myself because I had only reached 310 due to the stomach virus I'd had. I have not been doing the 30 day shred but I do 75 punches a night and jog in place for a little while. I am really wanting a treadmill but my mother will not hand hers over even though it has not been touched in at least 5 years and is sitting in a closet. Oh well. I am wanting to get back into my harder workouts but right now there is something wrong with my body where my hands, legs, abdomen and feet are numb so I don't want to push my body too hard right now. Since my guests left I have returned to eating smaller portions and eating when I am hungry until I am no longer hungry but not completely full. I have a friend from online working on a meal plan for me because I really think it will be a huge help to not only me but my husband as well (Thank you Amanda K :D)
I am also getting my Mirena out, not only because I want another child sooner than expected but because I think it may help with my weight problems (from what I have researched it can make it very difficult to drop weight while on Mirena). So on Tuesday I am going to get it out and to talk to my doctor about TTC. I am hoping to get more weight off before we conceive our next child and depending on how my husband feels may even use a form of contraception for a few months.
So here's to another new start!

Late on my weigh in

So today I forgot to weigh in this morning so I just did it.
310.4lbs! Thank you to the lovely stomach bug that I had. So I have now met my first goal!!!!!!

Here's the weights it took to get here:
325.8lbs 1/5/2011 START
324.6lbs 1/12/2011
319.0lbs 1/19/2011
319.0lbs 1/26/2011
318.6lbs 2/2/2011
317.4lbs 2/9/2011
318.4lbs 2/16/2011
314.0lbs 2/23/2011
313.4lbs 3/2/2011
310.4lbs 3/9/2011 FIRST GOAL MET

Granted it took me 3 months to get there but I am damn proud of myself.

Picture Day.

This month there was no changes with my body that I could see but I took the pictures anyways to show myself I need to work harder. Also because I promised myself I would take pictures no matter what every 5th of the month. That's okay because now that I'm almost completely better I am going to resume my workout next week.

Month 2

Month 3


Month 2

Month 3


Month 2

Month 3

Weigh in.

313.6
So that is .4 lbs making my total weight drop 12.2lbs
Although this was after I ate my breakfast because I forgot to weigh before I ate, so I may weigh again after nap time. I am also going to the doctor this afternoon so we will see what the doctor scale says to me.

Now this means that I am 95% not going to make my first goal but you know what, I'm okay with that. I just have to get back on track as soon as I am all better.

Thinking about not weighing in.

Wednesday is looming closer and I honestly don't know if I want to weigh because I've done no working out since my daughter was diagnosed with pneumonia and then I got sick myself and still am sick. ARGH. Decisions Decisions.

Hmm

So as I was sitting here just thinking about the last entry I posted I honestly couldn't help but feel this nagging little annoyance that was saying "you're going to gain next week." I wonder why I do that to myself, I mean set myself up for failure. I finally see damn good results and what happens? I feel like next week I am going to gain instead of lose. I am sick of feeling like that, I honestly wish an anti-depressant or something would work for me because I know that is a big part of my problem. Exercise is supposed to help with depression but it just makes my mind clearer so I can be depressed at a more challenging level. I hate it and I want it to go away. I really want to take vitamins and I wish I had the money to buy them but I'm not going to spend money on something like that when I need money for other more important matters you know? UGH I wish someone would show up on my doorstep with a daily vitamin and a vitamin B pill and say "here you go!" wouldn't it be great if the world worked that way?

Wonderful Weigh in.

FINALLY RESULTS!
314.0lbs
I weighed last night around 2am and got 315.6 which made me happy but I weighed myself a little while ago because that's when I normally weigh and got 314 on the nose. I am so happy! That is 4.4lbs in 1 week. I really couldn't be happier. Seeing that number made the bad morning I am having so much better.
I am so close to my first goal I can taste it. I think I might be able to actually get there before Mackenzie's party, if I work hard enough and stay away from junk.
I have been doing as much or as little working out as I can handle. I have strayed away from continuously doing the 30 day shred because I think it was making me build more muscle than I am ready for right now. Instead I've been doing 10 minute workouts or 20 minute workouts from On Demand on Cox. I have really cut out a lot of bad things and I have been trying to eat at least 5 times a day with smaller portions. This is a win for me so lets see if I can continue to win!

I think I'm onto something.

I am pretty sure I have figured out where I want to be as far as size goes. I want to be able to be around kids without having the fear that one of them is going to point and go "that lady is fat". Yep, that's where I want to be. Mackenzie is not even 2 yet and already she has quite the personality so I could see her punching a kid in the face for talkin bout her mama. ;)
On a serious note, I have anxiety and depression issues which make it very hard for me to function on a day to day basis and I have physical problems that make it hard for me to be active. I have sucked it up and worked through some of the worst pain in my life, almost mirroring labor or kidney stones. Why do I do it to my body? Because I need to get this weight off before I go insane. Being around people is a struggle for me no matter what but being the size I am makes it 50 times harder for me because I feel like no matter how much I try to blend in I don't, I stick out like a sore thumb. So when you put everything together this weight loss journey is very hard and I hope you all know how much I appreciate the support from each of you. It is not easy to drop weight in any situation but it is especially hard when you have nobody there, I've gone that route before and failed miserably. I am not on a diet, I am changing my life.

Hiccups happen.

This week was a bad week for me my willpower and my "look at my daughter and feel bad" trick went out the window when Aunt Flo crawled in and overtook my uterus. I already called a weight gain or a hiccup but I didn't think it would be this bad. 318.4 I gained a whole pound this week, yeah it might not seem like much but it is, that is an entire weeks worth of loss or more. I have been shedding so little that it upsets me to see how much I gained in a week. I hope it is mostly water weight from AF and I hope it leaves with the bitch. Well I guess hiccups happen so I just have to shred it harder this week and make every bite of food count. Have I mentioned yet that I now do not eat breakfast I drink it? I have a boost complete every morning with fat free milk, it has really worked on my energy level.

On the upside two people said something to me yesterday that made me want to work my ass off even harder, my husband said randomly while we were watching TV "Oh, I can see you have lost weight." I looked at him and said "... oh.... really? .... thank you." So he proceeded to tell me that he could see a difference and how he is proud of me. Then last night I was having a bit of a breakdown over personal issues in my life (in which I ended up drinking an enormous glass of ovaltine and eating a mass amount of chocolates) and my roommate came in and comforted me and told me that I should be happy because I am doing such a good job with my weight loss and she sees such a difference in me and she is so proud of me. Wow, just what I needed, I was floating on cloud 9 and it just made me want to work harder to get more results for myself.

So here is to my support, to my friends, to my family, to the ones that believe in me. Thank you, now watch me shine.

go AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

AF that is. UGH. I feel like I am dying if I even move at all. This sucks and it makes it so very hard to workout.

It's that day again. Weigh in day.

Today I weighed in at 317.4lbs that is down 1.2lbs from last week.
I'm not going to lie, the beginnings of discouragement are lurking in the shadows. I am trying to stay positive and tell myself that the workout I am doing builds muscle but honestly I think it would help if I were able to change my diet more. Unfortunately I have to work with what I've got and what I've got is not always the best. I eat less than I used to and I do eat healthier but I have to be messing up somewhere because the weight is just not coming off like it should be. I have gotten to the point that I am working out between 1 and 3 times a day, I have a Boost essentials drink for breakfast, a small lunch, maybe a snack, and dinner. I am re-thinking and re-doing my short term weight loss goals so I will be less likely to get discouraged and more likely to kick myself in the ass until I make it happen. The new goals are:
15lbs by Mackenzie's party 3/13/11
30lbs by my birthday: 8/4/11

Update

So I did my updated pictures earlier but didn't have time to fill anyone in on my workouts. I am restarting the 30 day shred again because it makes me feel amazing. I have been alright with my eating but have had a few junk things. I also took 1 week off of the 30 day shred to let my body recover from it so I am completely ready to restart it.

Picture day!

Well it has been a whole month since my pictures were posted. I took them today, you must excuse the not so thrilled look on my face because I am still waiting for my coffee to do its job.

Without further ado here they are.

Month 1.

Month 2.


Month 1.

Month 2.


Month 1.

Month 2.


I honestly don't see a difference but that's okay because I'll just work harder this month.

Weigh in day

So here I am again once more, I stepped on the scale not expecting anything at all.
318.6lbs So WOOT! .4 lbs lost. Yeah so it isn't much but everyone is saying they see a difference, we will find out on the 5th!

Weigh in Day again.

319.0 I have maintained my weight this week and I am okay with that. I am doing a workout daily that says you gain muscle so I'm not going to get discouraged, instead I am going to look at it as a victory because I didn't gain!

Weigh in day!!!!

SUCCESS!!!!
I got under 320lbs.

Drum roll please!


I am 319.0lbs as of this morning! What a feeling. It makes me all the more eager to continue on with my weight loss journey. YAY!

Jillian is trying to kill me.

"I want you to feel like you are dying" - Jillian Michaels

Well Jillian I certainly do after doing level 2 of your 30 day shred. My lord I have never sweat so much in my life! I slacked today though because I danced longer than normal and helped a friend move into my house so I was lifting, twisting and grunting! Tomorrow I get back on track.

In the morning.

While everyone else in my house besides my daughter sleeps in the morning, I am up changing my life. I am having a small but filling breakfast, and spending time working out, after I workout I clean the house to keep my heart pumping and keep the sweat flowing. When the rest of the house awakens I am all done with my morning routine and they are scrambling to start the day. I always feel great after my workout, but if I ever am too tired I just take a nap when my daughter naps. I never thought I would be one of those people to workout as soon as they get up but it really does put a boost in my day and it makes it so that if I want to do more later I can!

Weigh in day.

Today is Wednesday so that means it is weigh in day. I awoke this morning and was greeted by my lovely monthly visitor so I reminded myself that I am bloated when I stepped on the scale. The scale read 324.6, so I am down 1 pound! I actually think this is quite the accomplishment seeing as how I am bloated beyond belief.
I have been keeping up with my workouts and I am quite proud of myself.

The best invention in the world.

This is what my husband shoved in my stocking for Christmas, he was half joking because I kept nagging him about gum the few weeks before Christmas. Well, this my weight loss loving buddies has quickly turned into my best friend. This magical little tin filled with 3 different flavors of gum has helped me curb my appetite and keep my willpower to not go grab some random snack and shove it in my face. Spearmint is my weapon of choice for those desperate moments when I just want to gnaw someone's arm off and water is not doing it for me. Juicy Fruit is the piece Ala resistance when I need something sweet and my mouth wants something in it. I haven't even touched the 3rd flavor yet which is wintergreen I think. Another reason this tin is so great is because I am so bad with packs of gum. I lose them, forget them or can't find them for 3 months so this will help me keep my gum in one place. I have decided to restock it as it dwindles in supply. I will always keep one "sweet gum" and at least one "minty gum" because they really do work. So yes, gum is the best invention in the world and it should become your best friend too.

Cinnamon and Honey=Yucktastic

So that Cinnamon and Honey deal, not so very good. I got through a day and a half, that's it. It made me want to vomit the first night and next morning, but then something with the second batch went terribly wrong, it gave me the worst stomach cramps imaginable followed by a full colon cleansing from hell aka Diarrhea. I know that is probably TMI but I promised myself I would share everything in this blog, good, bad and ugly. It completely threw me off track for everything because I didn't want to workout but after posting a status on my Facebook that read something along the lines of "Not feeling so hot, don't think I'm going to workout today." One of my husband's co-workers (who has a sense of humor) posted "Oh come on we got Redd (my husband's nickname at work) to do push-ups and you're going to bail on your workout. smh (which means shaking my head for anyone that doesn't know that)." So of course this motivated me to do my workout. I told him alright I'll only do 1/2, but 1/2 meant 15 minutes and I just wasn't satisfied with that so I did two 10 minute dance video's instead. Then I did another workout last night with my personal ass kicker Maclynn, you will most likely hear more about her in here.

Once again.

I find myself on the journey through weight loss once again. This time I know I am more serious about it because I find myself pushing through a 20 minute workout just to say you know what, 10 more minutes! Every time I want to quit I look at my daughter. I have been yo-yoing in weight since I was a child, well I am putting a stop to it all. The flab ends here.

I am currently:
22 years of age.
5 foot 2 inches tall.
A whopping 325lbs.

I had gotten down to 305lbs and then put on water weight and I don't know what else. I only had 30lbs to lose until we TTC our next child, but instead I now have 45lbs to lose. The one main thing holding me back is the excruciating pain I am in all the time from the bulging disks/early degeneration in my lower back, and the muscle spasms in my upper and middle back. But I am no longer letting those pull me away from my large goal of weight loss.

Today I did Level 1 Jillean Micheal's 30 Day Shred, it was on Cox on Demand, that is where I get all my exercise video's. Yesterday I did a 20 minute boxing one, 10 minutes of another and then 15 minutes of Just Dance 2 on the Wii.

I am going to be trying different weigh loss aide's along this journey. My first is the Cinnamon-Honey drink.
You need:
1tsp cinnamon
1-2tsp honey (I used 2)
8oz boiling water (you can use the microwave for this)

Add cinnamon to an empty cup, pour boiling water over it, cover and let steep for 30 minutes. Add honey, drink 4oz before bed time. Cover the remaining 4oz and place in the refrigerator. Drink the rest when you wake up in the morning on an empty stomach. Do NOT re-heat.

I am sitting here sipping on it and it tastes a little funky but I think I can manage 4oz of it. Let's see how this goes.

And last but not least the fatty pictures! I am going to try and take a picture in the same outfit on the 5th of every month, hopefully I will remember.